Learning to say no.


When I first started telling people “No,” I felt quite guilty. I felt that I was letting them down and it didn’t make me feel like I was being a good person. I used to say yes to everyone and had every minute of each day of the week filled with social obligations, volunteer jobs, helping a friend, my photography business, and almost anything else that was asked of me—especially as SuperMOM (cape and all!). No wonder my immune system was compromised! I never stopped. I never rested to let my body heal….especially with an immune disorder I didn’t realize I had at the time.

“Listen to your body when it whispers, so you don’t have to hear it when it screams.”

I ignored all the whispering for years. It finally took getting really sick with the room spinning vertigo to lay me flat on my back. I had no choice but to stop…and, literally, let the world spin by. The most amazing part was that the world went on...brides found new photographers! Other people stepped up to volunteer! People were able to function without me helping them! My true friends still stayed my friends even though I didn’t have the energy to see them. And the acquaintances/“friends” who were upset by my “no,” moved on and found other people who were more in alignment with themselves. Had I continued to be their friend out of obligation, they would not have had that opportunity. 

You are not doing anyone any favors by continuing relationships out of obligation. When you are doing things out of affinity with who you are, you are compromising yourself. To be in a state of optimum healing, it is important to be in alignment with your deepest desires and wishes.

I know there are some family members or coworkers who are difficult to be around and you just can’t axe them from your lives. However, we can learn some tools that will help you when you do have to deal with them…the first step is to limit your time around them.